tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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