she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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