I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
