Are we in a gay sports bar?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
