If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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