I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
