IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
