sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
