i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
