your room smells of hookers.
And success
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
