If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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