yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
