I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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