I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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