Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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