Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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