she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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