it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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