This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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