you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
