so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
