First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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