I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Two words: blizzard sex
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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