I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize