That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
