I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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