My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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