I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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