the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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