I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I faked an abortion last night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
