I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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