We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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