i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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