I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
