please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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