I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
