remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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