My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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