You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
