News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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