Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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