Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
