You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My vagina just recognized that song.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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