So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
