Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry about my life...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
