I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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