And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
