I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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