Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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