My nipple is on Facebook.
I smell stomach acid.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
