evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
