WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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