You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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