So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
