I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
