Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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