Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
