Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
