It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
