Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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