I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
