In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
