That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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