do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
